LastNightsHype.com

This Sunday, December 21, 2008, marks an important cause that we can all contribute to.

I’m sure you’ve wondered, “Gee, is anyone else getting any right now?  How many people across the globe are hittin it?”

Well, on the morning of the Winter Solstice, from 7:04am-9:04am (EST), wonder no more.

Enter GlobalOrgasm.

“Our minds influence Matter and Quantum Energy fields, so by concentrating our thoughts during and after The Big O on peace and partnership, the combination of high orgasmic energy combined with mindful intention for peace could reduce global levels of violence, hatred and fear.”

I urge you, wake up a little earlier on Sunday (or just stay up late with that special someone you meet at “Snatch” this Saturday!)  and give something back to Mother Earth!

Call it what you want, I call it a good excuse to get some breakfast-in-bed.  E-Rock out.

P.S. Check out ThingsBearsLove.com Funny stuff.

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When it rains, it pours.  They say it rolls downhill, right??  A few nuggets of news for ya:

• The Hollywood, Florida police department is nearing a close on it’s investigation into the 1981 abduction and murder of Adam Walsh.  A 27-year case finally named Otis Toole, a drifter, and convicted pedophile, as it’s primary suspect – and had he not died almost 10 years ago, would have been arrested, according to the Chief of the Hollywood Police Dept.  Better late than never.

• The Screen Actors Guild’s 120,000 members are being urged to strike.  Opponents say the major studios will use the economic crisis to scare them into making an agreement they “..will regret.”  If the strike goes through, the first “hit” will be the Oscars, in late Feb.  If approved, expect an influx of shitty reality tv shows AGAIN…. and no new network TV, late-night guests, and movies.  I guess when you take a $1 million paycut down to $20 million, you can’t get that extra cheese on your Big Mac, huh?

• Caylee Anthony.  ’Nuff said.

• Oh, and STEREO Thursdays @ Antigua continue to be the freshest, hottest party in Downtown… check it out!  You can’t beat 3-4-1s til Midnight and 2-4-1 shots after!

P.S. I had a really sweet video… but WordPress sucks for me.  I’ll post it later.  Fuck you “display_podcast” tag!!!

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So I’m watching “The Wedding Singer” on Comedy Central.. And I discover that the movie is brought to me by “Plan B Emergency Contraception”.

You try to inspire me with weddings and love stories; and then you tell me I can fix my “problems” of impending pregnancy – so I really don’t have to get married after all!

WTF? Nice job Comedy Central. I don’t know whether to be shocked or thankful for the info.

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So I think I can speak for everyone when I say this election is really starting to fucking get to me.  I am sad to say that I am one of the 60% of Americans suffering from “Voter Fatigue.”  Yet oddly enough, it’s all I can write about at the moment.  Because every week it’s something new, and every week it’s something stranger.   Liiiiiiiiike this:

A 20-year-old girl in Pittsburgh was charged with filing a false police report Friday after admitting that she made up a story about being attacked due to a John McCain sticker on her car.

The police noticed several inconsistencies with her story, and a lack of surveillance footage made it difficult to belive.

Her story claimed a 6’4″ African-American man beat her up at an ATM, and insulted her before pummeling her over and over, saying things like “You’ll be a Barack supporter, now!” and “Where’s your John McCain now?”, before the coup-de-grace – carving a backwards “B” into her right cheek.  Really?

Her bail has been set at $50,000.   Oh, and both the McCain and Obama campaigns have been in touch with the “victim”; with the former contacting the family, and his Democratic counterpart wishing her a speedy recovery.  Before she told them that the story was bullshit of course.

She copped to everything, but the killer part is, she said she got the idea while driving around in her car.  BUT…SHE HAS NO IDEA HOW THE BACKWARDS “B” GOT THERE.

Wooooowzers.   Crazy freakin’ Republicans.

In other news, a report in the October 2008 New England Journal of Medicine stated that after 6 1/2 years of research into new methods of contraception, scientists have discovered that women can decrease their chances of pregnancy by 95% by not being whores.

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For those of you that don’t know, yesterday marked the beginning of Early Voting.

In Orange County, there are 10 locations where you can get your early vote on from now until November 1st.  In Orange County, polling locations are open between 10am-6pm.

Some of locations in Orange County to rock-n-poll:

• Alafaya Branch Library @ 12000 East Colonial Dr.
• Southeast Branch Library @ 5575 S. Semoran (near Hoffner)
• Winter Park Library @ 460 East New England Ave (across from Rollins)
• and Orlando Public Library @ 101 E. Central Blvd.

For more info, go to www.OrangeVotes2008.com, or call 407-836-2070.

If you are registered somewhere other than Orange County, go to Local13′s list of Early Voting Locations to find a place near you.

Make your vote count.  This year could be one of the most important elections that we as young adults face.   Think about it.  Make a responsible decision based on your own findings, don’t trust the media, don’t trust the hype and don’t believe everything you hear.  Trust yourself.  You’re probably right.

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Ohio Republican congressman John Boehner’s office had quite a scare on Monday.

While going through the mail, some staff noticed a package – mailed from Georgia – was leaking an oily substance. They subsequently called the Capital Police in D.C., who advised them to evacuate.

So they did. West Chester authorities – police, fire, hazmat, media – swarmed the congressional office, to investigate and ascertain this seemingly dangerous threat.

Hazmat workers performed x-ray analysis on the package and determined it contained….

Yes. Bacon.

Apparently this was sent in response to the $700 billion bailout legislation, for which Boehner voted yes twice. Some people say that a good percentage of the funds for the bailout contain unnecessary giveaways and benefits – sometimes called “pork barrel spending”.

A note that was found on the bacon has not been disclosed by authorities, and no injuries were reported.

REALLY? LAST TIME I CHECKED, IT’S FUCKING BACON!

In other news, whatshotlikescock.

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Just a friendly reminder that you have til Monday, October 6 to register for this year’s election.

If you haven’t done so yet.. you better hurry.   There are too many ways to do it, that you have no excuse, unless you’ve been swamped making that Docta Dawe scrapbook – then I’ll let you slide.

Remember…9 days!  Get on it.

Go here to access the Florida Division of Elections Voter Registration Page (link opens in a new page)

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Okay, it seems there is a new nightclub opening shortly…

Very shortly…

Not much is known (or is it?), but here’s what I can tell you…

• Big. Real Big. May be bigger than Tabu or Destiny.
• 7 different rooms
• ..and not Downtown or by UCF :O

I heard this place is well over 10,000 sq ft.

As soon as we learn more about it, you’ll be the first to know..

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With bright futures for the US economy approaching the horizon – I thought I’d take a moment and see where our – and the world’s – money is REALLY going.   Yep.  Pornography.  And in honor of the games in Beijing, I thought I’d go Bob Costas on our pornographic asses and see who’s revving up our engines.

Surprisingly, the United States doesn’t even clock in the top 3.  Nope, not even a bronze medal.

The gold medal, however, goes to….. China!    While they represent nearly 20% of the world’s population, they raked in about 28% of the worldwide revenue.  Although, with their high population, it averages about $27 per capita.

No latex-life-like Jenna Haze vaginas for you!,  China!

The silver medal, surprisingly, goes to South Korea!  Heungbundoeyo!!!  With a little over 25 billion dollars rung up, it’s nice to be on the South side.

Although by not even representing 1% of the population, good ol’ S.K. posts an amazing $526 per capita revenue rate.  So you see, it’s good to have the yellow fever.  Er.. peach-yellow fever?  Damn.

The bronze medal goes to Japan.  We all knew this was coming.  They’ve given us bukkake, Kobe Tai and Asia Carrera, and what we’ve dubbed “hentai”.   They’ve also given us Panda Express.   Arigato!

Japan’s looking pretty studly with just a little under $20 billion in cash, and a respectable $157 per capita revenue.  Not like those South Korean pervs though.  Go Japan! [ed note: I know Panda Express is not Japanese.  Duh.  The Jews took it from them]

Although we came in fourth, I’m still proud to be an American!   We pull in about $14 billion (around $45 a head).  Pretty respectable for being almost 5% of the world’s population.  Take that China!  And interestingly enough, the US’s pornographic revenue exceeds the combined revenues of ABC, CBS, and NBC.   Although I’m sure if Kelly Ripa went topless, we wouldn’t be having this conversation.

So take the 14 billion dollars in revenue and factor in the US birth rate of one person every 7 seconds – and you’ll see that every time a baby is born, we’ve spent about $3107 on pornography.  KA-CHING!!  That breaks down to 28 DVDs, 25 vibrators, 125 bottles of lube, and a 2 year subscription to every frat rat’s favorite, BangBros.com.   Hope you’re ambidextrous.

(Oh, and before you ask why I didn’t spend any money on condoms; think about it, ladies – name the last dude-bro you met at TD’s who just happened to have a condom in his Billabong velcro wallet just waiting for that magic moment to make humpy-hump with you in the bathroom stall that somehow *still* reeks of old Don Pablo’s burritos.   Mmmhmm.  I thought so.  But I digress.)

Besides, everyone knows the classy guys go to the Cockta…er, the Octagon.

Well, I hope you’ve enjoyed our little foray into economics.  It’s amazing what you’ll find on the internet when you’re high on Sugarfree Red Bull and Sour Patch Kids.  Another interesting fact before we part ways:

  The #1 city in the United States requesting searches on the words “porn”, “xxx”, and “sex” on the internet?

Elmhurst, IL.

Elmhurst, I dub thee “Rapeville”

[ed final note:  In the time it took you to read this article, 3.4 million people were checking out internet porn instead.]

 *Now* you may go get the cocoa butter.

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Here’s a nice laff for a Tuesday.

That is all.

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Mash-up/Smash-up/Bootleg/Cut-up master, Pittsburgh-native Gregg Gillis, AKA Girl Talk, is back at it again; this time with a freshly chopped batch of mixes in the newly-released-a-month-ago, Feed the Animals.

Designed to be listened to as one seamless track, the album plays through as if it took a thousand cd’s and vinyl albums, blended them up and spit them out. In the third track, Still Here, he squeezes in samples from Kanye West (“Good Life“), Youngbloodz (“Damn!”), BLACKstreet (“No Diggity”), Michael Jackson, some more Kanye, and then finishing it off with some Radiohead (“15 Step”) for good measure – and that’s just the first 1:25 of the almost 4 minute track.

The fourth of his LPs released on Illegal Art [sixth release, including 2 EPs on other labels], Feed the Animals contains over 300 samples of pop/rock/rap/jazz/indie/etc in over 50 minutes – a definite step from his freshman release, Secret Diary.

Feed the Animals is being sold online similarly to how Radiohead released their In Rainbows – pay whatever you like. For $5, you get an option of FLAC files, plus a seamless mix of the album; and for $10, you also get a packaged CD (when it’s released around September 23)

“Anyone can download an album for free… I just wanted to acknowledge reality. I think it makes it easier for people to get their hands on the music, which is my number one priority.” -Gregg Gillis, AKA Girl Talk, on the reasoning behind the pay-what-you like system

Gillis has become known for his ingenious blends of every genre, but his most famous – the one everyone goes apeshit for? The infamous Biggie-Elton John “Juicy/Tiny Dancer” mash (Night Ripper – Track 5 – Smash Your Head).  Amazing.

Feed the Animals looks to solidify Gillis’ title of mash-up master, especially when coupled with his previous album, Night Ripper; one of Rolling Stone’s best albums of 2006. With a rhythmic cadence and almost mathematical precision, this release is a definite leave-on-during-a-badass-pool-party-and-rock-out-all-day album.

Click here to pick up FEED THE ANIMALS

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So i’m sitting at my computer going over some ideas for promotions for Thursday; and in the back of my mind, thinking of some new content to write about on the site. Then I get a phone call. And it hit me.

I’ve been dodging these phone calls from Acura about my car’s recent service.. and they got me today. Called me from a random number that wasn’t blocked or “888″‘d. Sneaky. Fast forward 10 minutes. Geez.

So the lady was quite nice, but obviously she’d been doing this for years, so it’s hard not to hear the broken record in her voice; it felt like Ben Stein was pranking my house… “Beuuuullerrrr?”, “Beuuuuullerrr?”

Then she wants to send me some cool offers (now you’ve got my attention, b/c I like to save money.), so I give her my email address. Then she recites it back to me, (along with my mail address and everything else they have on me) in this very militaristic mumbo-jumbo, and I was so confused I think I just said yes.

REP: “…so that’s “e” as in “echo”, “r” as in “romeo”, “i” as in “igloo”, “k” as in “kilo”, “s” as in “sally”, yadayadayada …. at “g” as in “gopher”, “m” as in “mile”, “a” as in “apple”,”i” as in “igloo”, “l” as in “larry”, “dot”, “c” as in “charlie”, “o” as in “over”, “m” as in “motherfucking-mouthful…” is that correct

ME: ::pause:: …yyyyyess.

Imagine if we talked like that everyday? Nobody would be able to get anything done, and cell phone companies would be making 100x more than they are now just on overages alone. Fast food? Gone. Drive-thru anything? Fuggedaboutit. Have we just given up on the ability for the common person to understand our own speak? Or are we just conditioned to job-outsourcing and laziness that if we DON’T spell it out (literally) that somehow, in that grade-school “telephone game” way, the tenth person down the line to get our info will think that we’re completely illiterate and ignorant.

Random fact: 73% of all statistics are made-up.

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This has been compiled and condensed down from over the years… a few friendly tips to help you get the most out of your nightlife experiences.

10. Thou shalt not pay with/give change in excess of the actual total. Keep your pennies for the Salvation Army.

9. Thou shalt not order an exorbitant amount of heavy-duty shots/drinks. Make them work harder than your tip is worth, and you AND YOUR FRIENDS will get hosed. And guys, that means no “liquid love potion” for the deuce you’ve been eyeballing all night. You’ve been warned.

Amendment: 9a) If you break #9, be prepared to tip accordingly.

8. Thou shalt not try to be a Good Samartian and try to slide in the order/place of the guy/girl that’s three people behind you. You will only cause the five people in front of them to hate the bartender. That means you have just earned yourself a spot on the blacklist. By that you should expect nothing short of tonic on the rocks or cranberry juice on your next 10 trips. Maybe even ignored altogether. It’s a crap shoot there.

7. Thou shalt not …. Fuck that. Don’t come to the bar while you’re talking on your phone, headset, earpiece, bluetooth, yellowtooth, goldtooth, whateverthefuck tooth you have. You will be ignored – and don’t give the bartender lip when you do decide that YOU are done with your oh-so-important phone call… or you will quickly hit the blacklist that the guy in #8 is now sitting on. Consider yourself buddies.

6. Thou shalt speak in a normal tone that is slightly louder than the background noise/music, and clearly enough so that you can be understood with minimal repetition. Break this rule and you will be served with whatever the bartender thinks you ordered. Or you might get nothing at all.

5. Thou shalt not argue with any barstaff about being “cut off”, or play lawyer for your friends when they get “cut off”. Just accept it and go home. Be glad that you’re drunk and not blacklisted like half of the chumps that you came in with tonight.

4. Thou shalt not attempt to get the bartender’s attention with anything other than patience and eye contact. DO NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES, SNAP YOUR FINGERS. In some cities, you might lose a hand for this. Be prepared to get schooled in front of your friends, and be ignored for the night. Also, do not clap, stomp, wave your hands, whistle, yell, “holler”, or throw napkins. Feel free to throw money.

3. Thou shalt not approach the bar until you are ready or order and pay. Stepping to the bar is like closing the menu at a restaurant. Be ready to order.

“Money in hand and an order on your mind.” is a great rule of thumb.

2. Similar to above, Thou shalt not ask if the bartender for a non-specific drink or if they “know how to make margaritas”: IT’S A FUCKING BAR!!! If they couldn’t make margaritas; whether due to ingredients or talent – then it wouldn’t be a bar and they wouldn’t be a bartender. Bartenders are not mind-readers or psychics, and they are not your mommies and daddies. Their job is not to baby you, wipe your nose, or make up your mind for you. If you act like it’s your first-time out at a bar – be prepared for a long night on your end. Unless you are 21, then you are exempt. Feel free to ask for recommendations. Tip accordingly, it’s the beginning of a good relationship between you and your bartenders.

2a.) Do not insult them by asking if they can make ______ . Expect a smart-ass response and being on the receiving end of some shit-talking amongst the bartenders.

1.) Bartenders are Gods, thou shalt not anger the Gods. Period. Point-blank.

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In summary, it all boils down to “Respect”: You understand the rules of engagement, and show respect by taking care of us; we’ll take care of you by taking your orders first, giving you proper drinks, and maybe even getting a drink/round picked up. Bartenders have push and pull in bars and clubs – you’d rather get pulled.

They might not always talk about who hooks them up, or who takes care of them (although usually they do), but they DEFINITELY, WITHOUT A DOUBT, TALK ABOUT WHO DOESN’T TAKE CARE OF THEM.

We hope this makes your nights more enjoyable, and less expensive in the long run.

Cheers!!

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as i type this posting.. i’m sitting at a roundtable meeting with 3 other OCC execs and working with 2 of the biggest names in Orlando nightlife to bring you one of the biggest, baddest weeklies ever.

keep your ears open and your eyes peeled. this is gonna be a wild ride.

as always, if you’re interested in getting in on some great parties, and helping to change the face of Orlando and Orange County nightlife, email me at erik@orangecountyconcepts.com , and let me know what you’re down for!

(we’re looking for street teamers, promoters, designers, creative people, entertainment etc… )

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Hopefully everyone out there is enjoying their Spring Break!

If not, there’s always next year!

Just to throw it out there, the word on the street is that OCC is throwing a big bash soon… and I don’t know what’s all involved; but its gonna be good. I heard the words “contest”, “party”, and “visiting dj” get thrown around… but I guess you’ll have to stay tuned to find out for sure! Keep checkin’ the page for more details.

Oh, and as for the “contest”? There maybe be one or two guest judge spots involved.. .which may or may not include some bottles and some prizes.. so drop a comment on the page, or email myself or DJ Docta Dawe and tell us what makes you the #1 guest judge!

Oh, and for all you slack-ass haters and shady ones out there — get your asses off the page and go do some real work. We might not be numero uno compared to some… but we are compared to you. I mean, that’s why you’re here..right?

Ha. Find your own style to ride. Thieves.

Move with or get moved on.

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